OmaHA-HA-HA!

If I lose followers for bashing on the Broncos, so be it. Honestly, I could care less about professional football. Grown men are getting paychecks from playing a game and people take it far too seriously. Anyways! This is more of a recap and I just wanted to share the pun in my title and to let all of you know I ran around a Colorado Walmart yelling “Go Seahawks” at the top of my lungs and got a lot of glares and some avid fans to shout “Shut the f*** up!” That was my Super Bowl Sunday! 

Otherwise, my elbow is finally cleared for light weight lifting! If you consider 4 lbs. true weight lifting. Before this, I didn’t, but when you get sore from it you start to believe in its practical use. So I am a week in and already my strength is returning faster than I would’ve imagined! So very thrilling. I’ve started doing Bosu ball leg workouts too! General balancing on one leg, then attempts at one legged (pistol) squats, and standard squats. I feel the work has really boosted my tiny behind and it’s a great way to add variety to my average leg workout! 

Let us see, what else? Oh! I have finally found second-hand Vonnegut and Robbins novels! Now, I have two of each of these authors’ works in my possession and they make me very happy. I have started diving into writing and reading and art more as of late to find my peace. My physical relief has been spotty, due to lack of strength and bad weather (yoga and running are impossible). To replace the endorphin rush of running, I have been finding solace and enlightenment in books and meditation. It really doesn’t matter what meditation; usually just going in to a trance by having the same song plays for an hour straight and my mind go numb to anything negative, or in complete silence just listening to my body and what is truly on my mind and addressing it.

Also, I have discovered that I haven’t recovered from wrestling yet. The lighter diet that usually left me with no energy and abnormal weight loss has rendered me without any appetite and more often than not I feel sick whenever I eat slightly less small amounts of food. Dangerous, but I am working back up to it. Slowly, slowly. 

Side note: AP U.S. History on a self-guided independent study routine in one semester really is painful. 

I am more anxious for spring and summer than I have ever been before. So much more opportunity is coming my way and I can feel it!

 

What I try to aspire to: the status of a goddess

“A goddess is a woman who emerges from deep within herself. She is a woman who has honestly explored her darkness and learned to celebrate her light. She is a woman who is able to fall in love with the magnificent possibilities within her. She is a woman who knows of the magic and mysterious places inside her, the sacred places that can nurture her soul and make her whole. She is a woman who radiates light. She is magnetic. She walks into a room and male and female alike feel her presence. She has power and softness at the same time. She has powerful sexual energy that’s not dependent on physical looks. She has a body that she adores and it shows by the way she comfortably lives and moves in it. She cherishes beauty, light and love. She is a woman who can ask for help when she needs it or give help when asked. She respects boundaries, hers and another’s. She can see God in another’s eyes. She can see God in her own. She can see God in every life situation. She is woman who takes responsibility for everything she creates in her life. She is a woman who is totally supportive and giving. She is a Goddess.”

Stress and Strain

There was a moment for me this past week when I realized that stress isn’t worth it. What I mean by that is the things we stress over so often are unavoidable and not as bad as we imagine they will be.
Let’s present an example, shall we? At this moment, I am about three weeks in to Comp. 112. Passed 111 with flying colors (as well as a lack of passion come finals week) and have advanced onward. This first assignment, three analytical one-page (roughly) papers. Goodness. So, nothing about them was even remotely interesting to me, with the exception of the two poems: Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night and Invictus. Thoroughly taxed, the difficulty went far higher than I would’ve preferred. I battled through rain forests of thesis ideas and machete hacked into the middle of the allusive “deeper meanings.” Needless to say, it stressed me out more than it should have. I was on the verge of tears many a time, especially on the day they were due. The stress killed a little part of me, I swear. But, now that they’re turned in, mistakes and all, I realize something: why the hell was I so stressed? My grade, due to the teacher, won’t be an A anyways, and it’s just one assignment. One. Silly. Assignment. There will be many more with which I can perk my grade up. No problem! So why stress? Exactly. Don’t stress!
The unnecessary energy I wasted could’ve been used in constructive and positive ways, more so than shaking and worrying, making myself older.
So, this is my challenge to myself, as well as to you, lovely reader: be stress less, or at least work on reducing stress, in your life through all trials.

Stress and Strain

There was a moment for me this past week when I realized that stress isn’t worth it. What I mean by that is the things we stress over so often are unavoidable and not as bad as we imagine they will be.
Let’s present an example, shall we? At this moment, I am about three weeks in to Comp. 112. Passed 111 with flying colors (as well as a lack of passion come finals week) and have advanced onward. This first assignment, three analytical one-page (roughly) papers. Goodness. So, nothing about them was even remotely interesting to me, with the exception of the two poems: Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night and Invictus. Thoroughly taxed, the difficulty went far higher than I would’ve preferred. I battled through rain forests of thesis ideas and machete hacked into the middle of the allusive “deeper meanings.” Needless to say, it stressed me out more than it should have. I was on the verge of tears many a time, especially on the day they were due. The stress killed a little part of me, I swear. But, now that they’re turned in, mistakes and all, I realize something: why the hell was I so stressed? My grade, due to the teacher, won’t be an A anyways, and it’s just one assignment. One. Silly. Assignment. There will be many more with which I can perk my grade up. No problem! So why stress? Exactly. Don’t stress!
The unnecessary energy I wasted could’ve been used in constructive and positive ways, more so than shaking and worrying, making myself older.
So, this is my challenge to myself, as well as to you, lovely reader: be stress less, or at least work on reducing stress, in your life through all trials.

Injuries and Optimism…

Okay, so it’s not all shits and giggles when you dislocated your elbow, but hey, at least nothing was fractured. Yes, ladies and gents, my freaky double jointed elbows finally got the best of me.
Here’s the story:
I was with my team the day before to watch and support our Paonia varsity team compete in the Warrior tournament, but the day I got injured I was in Fruita Monument for a small JV tournament. Three others, one coach, and I were the only ones to come. That was okay, less people to try and impress I suppose. Anyways! The tournament in Delta that I got a win in (won by pin, beat the 160 kid from Durango) and wanted more. The winners infection of Paonia three-peat had gotten hold of me with a strength unmeasured, so I was out for blood. Since I’m not an overly aggressive person, even when wrestling, so my mom “gave me some of her “bitch” (as he put it). I needed it!
My bracket was stacked; all slots filled, no byes. I was at the top of the bracket, tough guys were in my way! But I didn’t think about it. It didn’t matter who I was against, I was going to do my best to win. Pin. PIN!! So, my name is called and I stride out onto the mat, confident and serious. He turns around and attaches his ankle band but I stay put, staring him down and he turns back around. We shake and I waster to time dancing around. We push and hit each other’s heads, but he gets the takedown (without ease, my wizzer was tight enough to cause issues). I fight from the bottom, not allowing hand control and he tried to lock a cradle. Knowing that frequently I mess up by hanging my head over too far, I notice immidiate my when he does! Yes! I hear coach Nate yell out “Head hunt! Head hunt!” I snap into action and wrap my arm around the back of his head and neck and pull down hard. Reversal!!! I have him locked, but not thoroughly enough to pin. I slid down too far. I lost the position and we were both up. (FYI, I forgot a lot of details, so somewhere in there he got 3 points, one escape and two takedown, and I got seven points, two reversal, three near fall, two takedown) Time ran out and I had the choice. I chose top, and he escaped, just to be taken back down. I was in my zone!!! I had never felt this confident in my technique or strength in wrestling before! He attempted to pop up but didn’t get far (this is where it gets ugly!): I had one arm around his waist, my left arm posted on the mat for leverage, and one leg around his ankle. I went to pull him down and when his weight came down on me I heard a snap and crackle (snap, crackle, POP! Noelle’s elbow! Haha) and watched as my elbow dislocated. I screamed!! Oh did I scream! I want to say I let out six good ones before I finally realized what happened. The shock was worse than he pain. It wasn’t clear from the sidelines so people crowded and ask “what’s wrong?” To that I replied, in my oh so subtle manner, ” do you not see my f****ng elbow!?!?” They realized what Hellenes and the paramedics were called I held it and rolled to my back. I laid there until I was cleared to be taken to the hospital. Funny enough, I was happy. Not truly, but in that delirious and inappropriate way. I was joking with everyone but asked to have my opponent called over. He looked so nervous! I congratulated him, told him a wrestled well, then shook his hand (the way a match is supposed to end). When he left his coach told me “Too bad, you would’ve beat him too!” I just laughed and told him damn straight I would’ve! I truly had no filter and it only got worse the more meds I was given. I’ll cut to another good part: while I was under sedation at the hospital, unconsciously I was swearing and trying to knee the doctor in the face when he was trying to put my elbow back. A series of MF’s spewed and my mom had to sit on my legs to prevent anyone any injury. The doctor almost had to give up and get anther doctor to do it, too: I was fighting it the whole time and I almost proved to strong for him.
It turned out alright though: the dislocation was set back and the only thing bad was the outside ligament tore in two and the tissue all around my elbow and my tricep were mangled. No fracture though, so no surgery and less time off.
Though it is upsetting: no more wrestling. This probably means forever. This was my last season..but good news I will be healed in time to train BJJ in the fall in Denver! Just wanted to update you, my lovely followers! More details on more events at a later date!

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Why I wrestle

I now realize exactly why I wrestle. It is truly hard to pinpoint it to a few words, but what you gather from my experience at the Warrior tournament this year is most likely the ultimate reason I wrestle. So, I wake up at 3:45 a.m. To make breakfast burritos for the team after weigh ins and to finish packing for my weekend of wrestling. Dragging, I get up, make coffee for my mom and I, and finish good prep and whatnot and leave. I arrive early, load into the vans when the coaches being them to the entry way, and sleep the majority of the drive to Grand Junction. It being a varsity tournament, I know I won’t be wrestling, which makes it all the more difficult not to eat everything I see. My wrestling happens on Saturday in Fruita for a JV tournament.
I watch hours upon hours of sweaty guys, and three other girls, wrestle: win, lose, the whole nine yards. Having watched this with little else to do, besides play ninja games on my iPod and get stuck in a game of logic, 6 hours on my ass has gotten very tiring. Another wrestler took my pillow to sleep on and I let him, after all, he’s the one wrestling today not me. Having eaten a bit that day, enough to put me up in the 900 calorie range (protein bar, fruit, burrito, and a little bit of trail mix..I wasn’t eating junk), I begin to worry. Weighing in that morning at 156.4 lbs, I was scared I wouldn’t make weight for the tournament. Yeah, I was four pounds under, but that means nothing when your metabolism is as slow as mine.
Another issue: I brought a jump rope and running shoes, but would coach be offended if I were to stop watching for a while to go and get some cardio in?
No, apparently not. I asked and he didn’t care; he was too focused on the next Paonia win,
I make my way to the hallway (hang in there, it’ll get all cute and heartfelt soon) and break out my rope and set my timer for 6 minute intervals. Between sets, I see the Central wrestling coach and some (if not all) of his JV wrestlers come out and begin body weight exercises near me at the end of the hall. People flow in and out of the hall, but one person sticks around: a seven year old little girl. Cute as could be, her short blonde hair, big smile, and bright eyes watched in awe as I did speed rope and push ups and the guys from Central did push-ups, crunches, squats, etc. She actually broke out her own multi colored nylon jump rope and tried imitating me.
I knew it was coming, she was too excited not to, so I braced myself for her talking. She told me her cousin Cody, from Rifle, was wrestling and that he was 15-0. “Well, 15-1 actually. I can already pin him!”
I couldn’t help but laugh and congratulate her. She kept following my every move and I asked her if she wanted to wrestle too.
“Yeah, when I’m 8 I will!”
“Yeah? Are you going to win state like that girl from West Valley?” (She had graduated last year and is now an Olympian)
“Oh yeah!”
The guys were laughing and joining the conversation, fully supportive of her future in wrestling.
We all exchanged names: David, Roberto, and “Doo-Da.”
She introduced herself with a nickname and went on to explain why she had it. I couldn’t resist the idea that I was helping her solidify her wrestling dreams. She began push-ups when I did, jumped rope with me, and wished me luck wrestling tomorrow. Wanted me to win!
Finally, I had finished my workout and packed my stuff to return to the bleachers.
“It was great to meet you, girly!”
“You too, Noelle. It’s close to Christmas, isn’t it?”
“Yep, it is!”
“Well, happy holidays then!”
I lost it. I couldn’t help but wish her the same and give her a big smile and hug.
Moments like that, for people like that, is the reason I wrestle.

And later, I went to do more jump rope and she and I were talking again. She told me I was,
“Like, my new best friend!”
Unbelievably sweet! We went and watched her cousin (a beastly 120 some-odd) and he won his match. It was great and she told me she was leaving so I have her a huh and said goodbye to her. She looked so put out that we couldn’t hang out more…
Connections like that over wrestling is what makes everything worth while for me.

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Saturday Tournament

Another wrestling tournament. Unsure about the amount of teams..I would say about 7 including us (maybe one or two more), and I’m calm. Calm and collected. I know what I need to do: wrestle better than last time. I know what put team needs to do: win. It doesn’t matter f you’re JV or not, you need to win. Granted, most JV guys are freshmen, but hey, I’m my the only senior who has fallen from grace. Well, I’m slightly better off. I have only been wrestling two years, and the other senior? Probably since he was in elementary school.
Regardless, I’m at another tournament and I’m calm. Outwardly, calm, but inside I’m going through every way I could go about this next match. What should I go for? What I can do: firemans, duck under to single, duck under to double, shuck to rear control and heel trip. Once they’re down: knee forward, underhand wrist control, half, cross face, thread my arm through for a near cradle (don’t lean that head over…don’t you dare!). Peterson? Maybe. I could always muscle over and lock up around the head and arms and get my hips out, shoulder pressure on their chest, face to headgear. Not a huge toolbox, but it’s enough. I just need to be strong.
I’ve gotten into the habit of praying during all of these wrestling events. Practice, I pray to get through, matches, I pray to do without injury, others’ matches, I pray for them not to get injured. It’s meditative and I feel it brings me a positive outlook.
The tournament is supposed to go fast, as far as tournaments go. Probably out of here by 3. My opponent is from Coal Ridge. I honestly don’t know the school and their program, but it’s inconsequential. I need to wrestle my best regardless.

**Best comment of the day: While our team started out warmup run around the mat I ran past this group (many groups actually so I have no idea who said it) and out of the hum of the crowd and wrestling guys I hear “Whoa! That’s a girl!” Then, more excited and awed talk that I couldn’t hear clearly. It never ceases to amaze me how odd it is for some of these guys to see a female step out on the mats in headgear and a singlet. It’s as if they have never watched the summer Olympics before.

First match: the guy from Coal Ridge destroyed me quickly. First period by pin. My hand position is terrible today!
Second match: I won! I FINALLY WON! Third period, down by points, given the choice of position. I chose top and the red blew the whistle. He tried to escape but I locked and hit a heel trip which returned him right to the mat. Didn’t cover quickly enough so he tried to escape again and I did the same thing. This went on until I had five mat returns and covered him heavily and started working for my cradle. I didn’t get it and we went off the mat. I was given top position again and I got my cross face but couldn’t find the leg. I muscles him over and locked up with a head and arm, making a quick pin. The adrenaline was insane! I couldn’t even fathom what had just happened! He wasn’t too happy (from Durango, by the way). He looked like he wanted to cry and refused to let me help him up off the mat. Regardless, the win did my morale well.
Match three: I lost, even worse than with the first guy. He was from Delta and had saw me pin the other guy, so it was most likely even more of a big deal now. Pinned in the first period. Bad hand position again.
Fourth match: Better, but still, bad hand position killed me and I was pinned again. I could’ve had this one, too! If I had been better with technique, I could’ve had the 5th place spot instead of the 6th.

Regardless of my losses or wins, my technique needs improvement and so does everything else. I need to work on covering and weight placement. I need to take all matches as learning experiences and not get too prideful in my ability. For everyone is a student of life until they finally pass.
The next set of matches our team is in will be at home this Thursday evening/afternoon. I am unsure as to whether or not I will have any matches. Then, the next morning we will leave to go to The Warrior. This two day tournament features both varsity and junior varsity (or so I’ve been told, I am still not sure if this is true) and our team will be staying in a hotel. One room will be run by some of the mothers and will be entirely devoted to food. Not even kidding, a whole room! The insanity and indulgence of this program is astounding sometimes. Impressive, really, but still very strange. I am unsure as to whether or not I will be made to stay in the same room as the two of the three managers who are both girls. One of them is pleasant on her own, but combined with the other one, she becomes obnoxious in a hurry. Plus, the other girl is a real nasty cat and a very bipolar and cynical person to be around. Not the kind of atmosphere I want to be around, especially pre-wrestling match. So we will see how that goes..
In the meantime, I’m excited for the rest of this week. I hope to destroy the finals this week and pass with flying colors. I have a little bit of weight to lose (oh my oh my, a whole 1.2 lbs haha) because of my cheat meal yesterday. Yes. I actually had one. Considering I haven’t had a cheat meal in over a month, I feel that I deserved it. It helped alleviate a lot of the guilt I end up feeling after eating a few more calories of health food than I plan on. Green chili burger with onion rings, fries from my moms meal that she left unfinished, and a large buttery and frosted cinnamon roll made me so lethargic and bloated it’s not even conceivable to me, I haven’t looked or felt like that in ages. I’ve felt tired, exhausted, spent, destroyed, but not any sort of lethargic since about three months ago (when I started my clean eating switch). It was glorious for me in some ways, and not as much as others. But, I must say, I am proud of myself for hopping on the scale afterwards and not immediately going and throwing it all back up. I still struggle with my bulimia. But I conquered it last night for once in a long time. It really only comes out most prevalently during wrestling season, but on e in a while off season it pops up too.
Overall, I’m excited for these upcoming tournaments and especially for Christmas break! I need some me time so badly. Can anyone else attest to that?

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